Progression in Life December 5th, 2013
Through this article i want to reflect on the general progression in my life so far in Chennai. How people had come into my life, how a few had remained and how some people have totally disappeared from my life. This writing is sort of my tribute to the good relationship that i had with all the people who became a part of my life for whatever period of time it is. I put my heart into whatever i write , so this is possibly the best way i can express my gratitude to all of you.
I think i have to thank TCS for most of this experience, it is not been a joy ride but looking back i definitely have lots of good things to cherish from my stay here in Chennai for over an year now. I joined TCS on September 27, 2012 . I am not someone who remembers events like this, maybe i have to thank the ultimatix password reseting system to thank for making me remember my date of joining. Anyhow this date continues to be remembered and i must say it is a good thing after all.
I met lots of interesting people here , re kindled my relationship with some known faces , became totally out of touch with few folks. You wouldn't notice all these things, because life is pretty busy over here and no one has time to pause for a moment and think back on the stuff that we had collectively gone through. It is a gradual change , just like a tree shedding it's leaves when the season have changed , we wouldn't have realized it but we have all been changed like never before . One year of life away from home , becoming the salaried professional - all this and more have changed us. Our lives have went through twists and turns , moments of laughter , despair , awkward moments . Certainly lots of things have happened.
Figuring out life December 1st, 2013
There was a shocking news for me and my colleagues last week, one of my project mates had decided on one fateful day to bring an end to his young life. I came to know the news through Chakra, he came to me and told in a soft tone "Sangeeth, the friday's team outing to resort is cancelled". Our team was planning for an outing after a long time, this was something huge from what i heard as our client had never showed any interest in spending a dime for the recreation of their offshore resources. Needless to say everyone was looking forward to friday and outing, well most people. I wasn't that interested primarily because it is going to be a large group of around 200 odd people and my idea of fun is most of the time not aligned with what people would consider as the conventional fun thing to do.
So when Chakra came and told that trip is cancelled , my initial reaction was "That's okay man. I am not that interested to go anyways". It was then he told me the tragic story , he told a name and he told me where the guy used to sit - the system he used to work on. He told me other details like how he looked , how the police found our company's id card in Kovalam beach and pinned on the identity of the deceased.
I tried somewhat to remember the guy's face, i would have definitely seen him in one of our team meetings , in an over packed conference room over 80 members of our team would assemble in weekly basis and i am pretty sure i would have seen him there. But i don't want to think about that now, because every time i try to think of an image a guy's face appears in my mind and this image keeps getting more clearer and there is this part of me which wishes desperately that it is some other guy, not the guy whose image i have formed in my head.
I have even discussed about this with Presil who thinks that the reason for his decision could be a love failure, well i am not sure what the exact reason is and i am not really interested in knowing what it is. I would like to believe that there are few of us who have a difficult time figuring out life and at times life appears to be too complex that we loose hope in our existence. Who am i to question the decision of the dead, how can i judge the pain and suffering a person had to go through some serious shit by being a mere observer.
If i had an opportunity to somehow talk this guy out of his fateful decision, i might have borrowed the words of Jesse Fisher from the film Liberal Arts
Jesse Fisher: Don't be a genius who dies young. Be one who dies old. Being old is cool. Grow old, and die old. It's a better arc.
And as for figuring out life my quest also continues .....
A pointless comparison July 28th, 2013
These days i come back from office really late, there are days when i would be in office for more than 15 hours. Don't ask me whether i am crazy to be working for such long hours, i really don't know the answer. The truth is sometimes even after spending so much time in front of system, i have very little to show as the output. I guess i am still figuring out things, it will take some more time until i become really good at what i am doing now. But it can be done.!
Anyways i don't want to talk about that, work is something that i am desperately trying to kick out of my thought space when i am not in office. It creeps in every now and then, lately in dreams also (scary one's ofcourse) and any discussion on the subject wouldn't make me happy at this point of time. But what i wish to talk about is the stupid comparison's we do in our life. We size up people by their money , their house , their mobile phones , their complexion and what not. If someone doesn't fit the bill , we stay away from that person , mark him/her unsuitable for our esteemed friendship. We feel so releived to be not that person, that guy who is going through a financial turmoil - you are releived that you are not in that person's shoes. That girl who get's her hair done wrong all the time - you are happy that you are better than her so that you can bitch about her in your friend's circle. Laugh's all around, what's wrong in it?
(Continued after a month)
The truth is often i would also do these things unknowingly, though i claim to have the high moral ground always ; It is sometimes just pure fun to make such comparisons and laugh at the short comings of someone whom we wont consider as part of our friend circle. But then we have to ask the bigger question - What is the point of all this comparison ? Your life is as good as mine whether you make 10 grands extra or not because ultimately we are in search of the one same thing ie Happiness. You might live 10 years extra than me or live in a grand villa with all the amenities , but what if your life is joyless and every day feels like a drag.
There is no guarantee that my life being 10 years shorter or whatever be the XYZ condition , would turn into a bed of roses. I would have difficulties for sure in my life , but i will have a shot just like anyone else to be in a state of happiness, find joy in living and attain something like contentment. We can't buy happiness with money or any other material possessions, there might be people who disagree but i have such a point of view. So in the long run all these comparisons would be pointless.
Am i being a hypocrite ?
Time will give the answer to that question.